You're Not Optional: Put Yourself on the Calendar

Most people would never no-show on someone they love. They make it to the recital, the meeting, the thing they promised the boss. The appointment that gets canceled, again and again, is the one they made with themselves.

In this episode of Candid Coach Conversations, Kimberly Boyd, founder of Live Life Fully, sits down with certified Live Life Fully coach Savannah Burke to talk about making yourself a priority... what it looks like day to day, where the "selfish" label comes from, and how to stop canceling on yourself.

Your self-care may already be on the calendar

Ask Savannah what making yourself a priority means and she starts with the practical: the workout, the clean house that keeps her anxiety in check, the appointments that are just for her.

Kimberly picks up on those appointments. When clients tell her they don't have time for self-care, they usually picture something big and elaborate. So she asks what they already do. A nail appointment. A haircut. Then she asks what they enjoy about it... the massage, the quiet, the conversation. Her advice is to name it: "I have a nail appointment today, and that is my form of self-care for the week." Setting that intention turns an errand into something you're doing on purpose.

Savannah knows exactly what she means. After her nails are done she feels more delicate and more at peace, and she gets an hour to catch up with a nail tech she adores.

A priority is not the same as selfish

Kimberly asks the question underneath the whole episode: what is the difference between making yourself a priority and being selfish?

Savannah doesn't hesitate. "It is never selfish to make yourself a priority, because if you don't take care of yourself, you can never take care of anybody else." She reaches for the airline instruction to put on your own oxygen mask first. By taking care of yourself, you are taking care of other people.

As for where the selfish label comes from, she points to society, media and, often, jealousy. If someone believes they don't have the time, it can feel unfair to watch anyone else take it. When Savannah feels envy herself, she turns it into a question instead: what would it take for me to have that?

What would it take?

That question is one Kimberly has lived. At a spring retreat on her property, the group spent the day moving tables around the yard to stay in the shade of the trees. That was the day she decided Live Life Fully needed a real place to host events... and later, a building, so no one would swelter in the summer heat or get rained out. She was in no position to make either happen. She figured out what it would take anyway, made the goal a priority, and got there. The building will be ready for the October retreat, with big windows so the view stays.

Her point is that it is rarely only about money. It's about deciding the goal matters and measuring each decision against it. Savannah calls that growth at its finest, and says Kimberly's story is part of what helped her see that wanting bigger and different isn't selfish either. She's doing it for her family, her career, and the people she wants to teach.

Nine times out of ten

Every morning, Savannah writes out her day: work, reading, working out, and her own appointments. That way, when someone asks for help, she can check the calendar and answer with a "yes, and." Yes, I can help, and it will be at six o'clock. Or tomorrow.

But life happens. Before coaching, if something conflicted with a hair appointment, she says she would have canceled on herself nine times out of ten. Her coach taught her it's okay to make herself a priority. Now she says something different: I've got something at this time that I didn't remember in the moment. Would you be willing to move? And if they can't, she reschedules them... not herself.

Kimberly's response is simple: do not cancel on yourself. We wouldn't skip a child's performance we promised to attend, or blow off something we told the boss we'd do. The appointment with yourself deserves the same respect.

The client who put fishing on the calendar

Kimberly shares a story about a coaching client whose release was fishing. You would never have known it from his calendar. It was full of work, his kids' games, and all the driving that comes with being the parent taxi. No fishing. No haircuts either... he only booked those once he started looking, in his words, like Shaggy the dog.

They started small: a haircut on the first Friday of every month, booked in advance. It made his life easier right away. Then came fishing. He wanted to go at least once a month, Sunday afternoons worked, and the family was usually home anyway. So the first Sunday of every month went on the calendar.

He told Kimberly it changed his life. He started scheduling other things differently, ended up fishing more often than before, and realized it was something he could share with his kids.

The ripple effect

Savannah ties it back to accountability. Canceling on yourself can feel easier in the moment, but underneath it is a message that you don't matter as much as everyone else. That turns into negative thoughts about yourself, which bring your whole countenance down... and everyone around you feels it.

It works the other way too. People are watching, Kimberly reminds listeners: children, grandchildren, friends. (And if you don't have friends, she says, call her. She'll be your friend.) When you make yourself a priority, you show the people around you that they matter too, and that it's okay for them to do the same. Savannah calls it teaching people how to love you. Self-love is love. And then they teach others.

What to take with you

Kimberly's challenge is concrete: find a spot to put yourself on your calendar, with hearts or stars around it, and jot down how you feel when you keep that commitment. Savannah's is the reminder underneath it all.

"Make yourself a priority because you matter."

About the Coach

Savannah Burke is a certified Live Life Fully coach who spent years stepping over her own boundaries before she learned to protect her time. Her free resource and weekly newsletter are on the Resources tab at llfully.com. Learn more or book a complimentary strategy session with Savannah at llfully.com/Coach-SavannahBurke.

A certified Live Life Fully coach can help you take the next step, together. Book your complimentary strategy session at llfully.com.