Who’s in Your Corner? – Cultivating Relationships

By Shunta Montgomery

Who’s in Your Corner? – Cultivating Relationships

Do you monitor your screen time on your phone? What’s your average screen time? How does that compare to your time spent with loved ones? Are you purposely making meaningful connections with your loved ones? What does that even mean to you, meaningful connections? Would you like to have more meaningful connections with the people that matter the most in your life?

It was hard being a mom of an adult child and a teenager, a Gigi, a wife, a daughter, a sister, a friend, and a BOSS. Hard? Yes, it’s very hard trying to spread my time amongst different roles while focusing on me and my success. I feel bad when I don’t spend time with my loved ones, and at one point, I didn’t know what to do. Sometimes, I feel guilty because I am focusing so much on my career that I am not spending enough time with loved ones. Then, what makes grinding harder is when someone you follow tells you that you can’t make it to the top with happiness without the support of your loved ones. So now I can either work super hard on being with my family and neglect my career or work really hard on my career and neglect my family.

I brought this struggle to my life coach. I remember the one question that she asked that changed my life: “Are my loved ones on my calendars?” I learned that day that things that are important and that I want to remember need to be planned and added to my calendar—and I need to show up for them. Think about it: most people show up for doctor or dentist appointments. Therefore, I realized I need to make spending time with my family a priority and put them on my calendar.

Pointers for Making Meaningful Connections

1. Add Your Loved Ones to Your Calendar

Whatever date is your loved one’s birthday, that is the guaranteed time to spend with them. As a result, I created Tay Day for my daughter. We don’t live together, so on or around this date (we are flexible), we spend time together. It doesn’t matter what we do, we get together.

My daughter has three kids who barely recognized me at times in the beginning. I purposely made it a point to spend more quality time with them by adding them to my calendar. I wanted to show up more for my teenage son, so I got him on my calendar too. He lives with me, so I can spend more quality time with him. I also include them in the planning process—what are things they want to do or try?

I give each friend their quality time via the phone or in person. I follow my calendar and honor my commitments when people invite me to their events. If you think enough about me to invite me, then I try my best to show up if I committed to coming. This is something that I have been doing long before adding people to my calendar. Many people don’t understand this concept and get very angry when I don’t budge. However, I want people to know that I respect their time and appreciate their invite.

It’s also important to note that I really try not to double-book and also ensure that the event is in alignment with me in some way. For instance, one might think that showing up to a party is not beneficial, but if I can spend time with a loved one (or maybe even two), then that’s a double win. If I don’t spend time with someone monthly, I make it a point to call or text them. I understand that life pulls everyone in different directions and just want the people in my life to know they matter.

2. Make 3 Meaningful Connections a Day

Has there ever been a time when someone was on your mind, but you kept meaning to text or call and never did? Then, the next news you hear is that person has passed. I remember an ex-coworker of mine who passed away. Shortly before, she was on my mind, but I didn’t reach out. You don’t want to live this life with regrets.

When someone is on your mind, reach out. Nowadays, you can talk to text, so you don’t have to spend time typing out the words. You can even send a voice message. Most people cite time as the reason they don’t check in more frequently with loved ones. However, I try my best to reach out to people while driving. If you can multitask and hold a conversation, then try stacking two tasks together.

When listening to people, take note of important details in their lives by setting a reminder on your phone. This will help you make a meaningful connection when you send a text wishing them luck on their test or job interview. When you connect like this, you’re helping your loved one feel heard and that they matter enough for you to remember their special day and acknowledge them.

3. Surround Yourself with the Right People

Stacey Flowers says there are 5 people you need in your life to BE HAPPY:

• Thumb: Cheerleader—someone who supports you and cheers you on.

• Index Finger: Mentor—someone who guides you through a specific goal.

• Middle Finger: Coach—someone who pushes you out of your comfort zone to reach your goals in life (that’s me!).

• Ring Finger: Friend—someone who’s close to you and knows you deeply (the ring finger vein leads to your heart).

• Pinky: Peer—someone in the same field or job/career as you.

Your ultimate goal is success in life. So yes, you need people in your corner, and it’s wise to be careful who’s in your corner. Can you imagine watching a boxing match where the 2-3 people allowed in the ring to help the boxer don’t understand their assignment? Think about the people in your life—do they understand their assignment? Are they helping you or hindering you?

What has helped me with surrounding myself with the right people is knowing what I want out of life and staying close to those who are like-minded. Again, I value my time and choose wisely how I spend it and with whom. I want success in all areas of my life, so making meaningful connections is an area of focus where I live with intention in how I choose to show up.

Take the Next Step

If this is an area that could use improvement in your life, let me push you to live your life with intention!